Defining the Relationship

Photo Credit: Jonathan Paquette

14 “Now therefore fear the Lord and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. 15 And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:14-15 (ESV)

Early in our relationship, Krystal and I discussed our desires, compatibility and the viability of a long-term relationship together. We did not want to proceed without a potential future. A couple of years ago I was introduced to the abbreviation DTR - “define the relationship” - in Kyle Idleman’s book, Not a Fan. Krys and I did this without even knowing the term. Idleman talks of defining our relationship with God.  As the passage above in Joshua tells us, we must choose what god we will serve. I pray we all choose the Triune God of Father/Son/Holy Spirit. Some might ask the question, “Why should I define the relationship?” I would like to offer three reasons why we should define our relationship with God. 

1. Defining the relationship signifies exclusivity.

In today’s culture we live in an age where we like options. We want to have a no strings attached relationship in case it does not work out. In a study by Pamela J. Smock of The University of Michigan found “Between 1995 and 2006 to 2010, first-time cohabitation jumped by 43 percent for white women, 57 percent for Hispanic women and 39 percent for black women. Only Asian women stayed the same, with about 22 percent cohabiting during both time periods.” Some couples decide to cohabitate as a test ride before making a commitment. Some couples may make a loose agreement, an “open marriage” rubber-stamping their approval for their spouse to have sexual relations with others. For us as Christians, however this is not a viable option. God ordains marriage as a sacred covenant between one man and one woman.

When we define our status as disciples of Jesus Christ, we are committing to him. A common line in traditional marriage vows includes the phrase “forsaking all others” Merriam-Webster dictionary defines forsake as “giving up or leaving (someone or something) entirely.” There is no going back. This is not like when I go to a restaurant and they do not have Coke Zero, so I order a Diet Coke or a Diet Pepsi. It is not whimsical or “fair-weather.” Choosing Christ means nothing else. 

The passage above says to serve him in sincerity. What does sincerity mean to you? In a relationship context, I see it as being authentic. We remember the television episodes where someone mixes up their days and ends up with two dates on the same night. How does such an episode end? Generally we as the audience we have laughter and the protagonist ends up with two upset dates. We do not want to be second place, and neither does God.

2. Defining the relationship establishes security.

For a moment, take an inventory of who has keys to your house. Is it a high number or a low number? My guess is you have a set, your spouse has a set, your kids (if they are old enough/responsible enough may have one) and you have an emergency key with either a neighbor or a hidden place around your house. We do not give a set of keys to our house to anyone we meet on the street. Why? We do not know if they are trustworthy. Giving someone a set of keys to your house signifies a certain level of trust. Well who do we give the keys to our heart, which is vastly more important?

We need to give the keys to our heart to God, no exceptions. There certainly is fear in this action and yet our calling is to trust. Remember Peter walking on the water? Want proof of God’s continued faithfulness? He was faithful to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He was faithful to the Israelites, to David, to the early church and he never changes. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (ESV). Often we do not want to commit to someone or something because of fear they will let us down. With God, this fear is unwarranted. God is faithful to us despite our unfaithfulness to him.

In choosing Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are allowing him into every area of our lives without exception. Jesus knows our every wart, fault and thought, still loving us. As Charlotte Elliot writes in the classic hymn Just as I Am,

“Just as I am, Thou wilt receive,

Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;

Because Thy promise I believe,

O Lamb of God, I come, I come.”

Knowing us intimately, he calls us to himself. His love and his justice sent down Jesus to die for us. He loved us more than he loved himself. If this does not mean security, what does? We have security in our relationship with Christ.

3. Defining the relationship looks to the future.

Unfortunately, in life there is a lack of permanence. A quotation going back to Benjamin Franklin says, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” We have certainty in this world; the certainty is God. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (ESV). God does not change. God is not changing his mind. God is not going to “renege” on us. He showed his commitment through Jesus Christ. He stuck with the “adulterous” nation of Israel. God loves with a steadfast love opposed to a conditional love we at times employ.

We do not need to fear God leaving us unless we give up on him. Billy Graham says, “God doesn’t give up on us until we give up on Him. Only when we repeatedly turn our backs on Him and stubbornly refuse His offer of forgiveness will He finally let us go.” When we define our relationship, and commit to Christ, we are saying we are going to do this. We can do it, albeit not under our own power rather under his power and his grace through the Holy Spirit. There is a promised future of salvation for those in Christ.

How do we move into such a future? A relationship does not go anywhere without work.  God wants to cultivate a relationship with us and we need to be committed to it DAILY. I have three young boys (and a daughter on the way) I have to (and need to more) dedicate time with them whether it be playing, praying, talking or teaching. I need to love them. I need to show them they are special with my actions and if I do not, I will miss a deeper intimacy with them. I do not want them to say, “Dad was not there for me when I was young.” I want a relationship. If I do not work at it, I will blink my eyes and they will be 31 with their own kids, and some opportunity lost. Do miss the time with our savior either. Make time for him. Go on “dates,” talk with him. If we do this, we will find ourselves fulfilled, satisfied and dedicated to the future we have with God.

Have you defined your relationship with Christ? Do you see the benefits of defining the relationship? Perhaps we have fallen away and need to re-establish a relationship. If we do define our relationship, we will find comfort, security and a wonderful future.

What are your thoughts?

Hopefulness

Photo Credit: Katherine Evans 

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.  And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.—Romans 8:22-25 (ESV)

Life changes rapidly in a year. Countries go from peace to war. A newborn goes from being largely immobile to getting into everything. They transition from sitting and rolling over, to crawling, standing walking, and in some cases, running. We look at the pictures of our children on the first and last days of school and see change. Our jobs responsibilities may change along with our co-workers. The grocery stores at times shuffle their aisles and change (I hear the new Canton Hy-Vee design is nice).

While life certainly changes rapidly in some aspects, others demonstrate little change. On April 6, I became a year older; I do not feel any different. Many of our laws remain the same. We still drive the same cars, the same ways to work (unless IL-116 is under construction for the Peoria commuters). Many churches too have reputations for little change. There may be a few new faces, a few new songs; however, the majority is the same.

 It was about this time last year when our family was driving on vacation for a trip to Michigan. Around Chicago, we tuned into the radio station and the topic of the day was the case regarding the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. In a matter of days police reform, racism, and gun control became buzzwords and hot topics, and to some extent still are. We read (and heard) legitimate stories from both sides. One from a mother with a young African American son who instructed him to keep his driver’s license and insurance information easily accessible in the event they were pulled over. She did not want the cop suspecting her son of carrying a gun while opening the glove compartment. From the perspective of the officer, they have a split second to make a decision, which can mean life or death for them and whether they return home to their families.

Oh my. Does a year change anything, or not? Talk. Shouting. Outrage. Where is the change? While we have seen police brutality in New York and Baltimore, we have also seen 19 law enforcement officers killed through gunfire. Forgive us, Lord. We have fallen short. All of these lives matter. All lives matter to God. All lives SHOULD matter to us. Whether we are black or white, male or female, in the womb or out of the womb, young or old, God created us.

The passage from Romans declares the world groaning from childbirth. While sin’s foothold is in this world, we know it is temporary God is still at work and we must wait patiently. Our first call as Christians is to remember where we find our hope. Our hope is not in family, our friends, neighbors, or ourselves, our government or its agencies. Our hope is in God, a mellifluous promise. Jesus’ resurrection defeated sin and death. Jesus stands ready to deliver at the anointed time. As we await this final blow, let us consider how we work for change in this world. The love of Christ compels us to advocate for our fellow human beings who have little voice or no voice.

Let us hope for what we do not currently see. Let us work towards wholeness and grace. Let us have discussions on how we can attack the issues rather than attacking each other. We must love our neighbor as ourselves. What does this mean for you? What does it mean for me?

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Commas and Periods in Life

“Wise people think before they act; fools don’t—and even brag about their foolishness. An unreliable messenger stumbles into trouble, but a reliable messenger brings healing.” --Proverbs 16:17

There was a picture going around Facebook with the following story, “If I offered you $100,000 to jump out of a plane without a parachute, would you do it? I bet you said NO! But what if I told you the plane was on the ground?...Moral of the story; know all the facts before you open your mouth.”

In our lives, information travels at light speed. We see news stories spread to millions within a few seconds sometimes these stories come so fast the facts come later and the story needs to be altered. Gossip and rumors also spread like wildfire in small towns as well as big cities. Perhaps you have seen this happen in the greater Fairview area. This too is unfortunate because it destroys reputations and it exposes individuals to ridicule and condemnation, which may or may not be true. Regardless of whether a rumor is true or not, it is still not anything to be sharing. The truth is many times we can avoid these situations. How do we do this? We do not get involved in such a situation, we may confront the situation and say, “Did he/she tell you this personally?” Maybe we should stop to think!

At the end of the majority of sentences we place a period. At times in our grammar, we place a comma to continue a sentence or to separate a phrase. When I read this scripture about thinking before acting, it makes me think of punctuation in my life. There are times where a coma is appropriate and necessary. For instance perhaps you are feuding with your spouse or disciplining our children. Taking a break or inserting a comma, can greatly change the situation the break the few seconds can give us a new perspective and allow us to proceed with less emotion and fire. Perhaps we may need to insert a period as well. Taking the time to think, pausing, and ultimately deciding to end the conversation or situation altogether.

God wants us to act wisely and at times, this may mean we need to use a comma or a period in our lives. This way we do not stumble, fall or bring shame to ourselves or worse, to Christ.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

The Power of Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)

Talking. Talking is something that we do from the earliest stages of our lives. Babies begin to “babble” and mimic what you are saying. Words such as “Da Da,” “Ma Ma”, “NO”, and “Ball” are formed. And as a parent sometimes you fear that you may catch your child repeating a word or a phrase that we did not intend for them to hear. We all have probably done it at some point, caught a child emulating that very behavior and then spend time explaining that it was a poor choice of words and hoping and praying that they forget such phrases quickly. But unfortunately with words, we cannot take them back. There is no rewind button or white out. We cannot gather them in again, once they leave the tips of our tongue they are gone forever and with the development of social media, the internet, and cell phones some of our finest words and not so finest words are available at a moment’s notice. They do not go away easily (or ever). 

As children we are taught the nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me.” Yes, parents have told us that to help us and console us, but the reality is that words do hurt. Words can be very destructive. In the third chapter of the epistle of James, we see some examples and images of the importance of words. Words have power to heal and destroy. Some of us still may hurt from comments made about us years ago in school, or made about our bodies, or made about our children, our parenting, or our lifestyle choices. Hopefully we also take to heart the encouraging and positive words we have heard as well. 

We must be keenly aware of our tongues in our lives as Christians. Gossip. Slander. Rumor. Lies. Insults. All of these things that not only destroy individuals, but they can tear apart families and churches.  The letter to the church at Ephesus reminds us of the importance of positive words and actions. We can use this as a litmus test for whether it should be said. Is it wholesome? Is it helpful? Does it build up? Does it benefit? Alan Redgrave also offers these suggestions with the acronym “T-H-I-N-K.  Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary, is it kind?”[1] When we use these lenses and these thought processes we can certainly protect those we love and ourselves from unnecessary pain and harm as well as exalting Christ through our behavior.

 Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Photo Credit: marczini

http://www.freeimages.com/photo/1382970

---

[1] Redpath, Alan. Taken from A Passion for Preaching.  Found online at http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/g/gossip.htmAccessed 8 July 2015. 

(Is it) Time for Change?

One of the hotbed words in today’s culture is often change, and our lives live on change. Change brings emotions; for me change can bring out fear, while for others it may bring out excitement. People change jobs, change homes, change cars, change clothing styles and hair color. Political candidates often run on platforms of change, saying that they are going to change from their predecessors. Other times change comes through major decisions, on June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States, changed the landscape of marriage for a generation. With this change, some will respond with fear, others excitement. I know that I am “late” in getting into the conversation, and I am sure that I am probably not re-inventing the wheel. More than likely, someone else has said what I am going to say in a more eloquent way. I ask nonetheless, that perhaps you give me the privilege of sharing one thought

Aside from John 3:16, one of widely recognized verses in the Bible comes from Paul’s letter to the church at Rome, which says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” A scripture opens and cuts us! Why? We all will find ourselves in the same predicament. It is a reminder of who we are. If you were to replace the “for all have” with “Mike Holleman has” sinned, or insert your own name into the scripture it reminds us of our sin and failure. I am broken. I am guilty. I am a mess-up. I am depraved. I am deserving of death. We really, could replace any name or group of people in that picture, “Republicans have sinned…” “Democrats have sinned…” “The Church has sinned…” The painful truth is that we all are in the same predicament. Whether we want to recognize it or not, God is present. He sees us. He sees us in all of our “glory.”

All of us have sinned, are sinning and will sin in the future. Despite our best efforts to combat or curb sin, the fact is that we cannot and will not eliminate sin from our lives. Thankfully, this is not the end of the story, for God made a way for us.  Romans 5:6-8 expresses it well, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

This scripture brings hope. It means that sinners can saved by grace through faith. Christ died for the sinners. Does the Bible designate that only a few sins can be forgiven? NO! It says that sinners can be saved. It does not say that X sin will not be forgiven, or Y sin will not be forgiven. The only sin not forgiven is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit (which is another discussion for a different time). We need to be preaching the gospel. We need to be preaching the transforming power of Christ.  

Up to this point, nothing there should shock anyone, right?  That is the story that has been the story for 2000 years. In that respect, nothing has changed. The world is populated with sinners and Jesus made a way. As Canadian pastor Carey Nieuhoff said, “The church as always been counter-cultural…and continues later saying…Being counter-cultural usually helps the church more than it hurts it.” Here is where the change needs to take place. God can and does work in the midst of every situation, whether we see it as good or bad.

Perhaps, we need to stop living too much into the culture, but attempt to be the Church. As Christians, we need to take a strong stand against ALL sins. We cannot (and should not) demonize some sins and whilst overlooking others. All lies are sin. All gossip is sin. All racism is sin. All theft is sin. All forms of sexual immorality are sin. As Christians, we cannot and should not be hypocritical picking out specific sins while neglecting the whole. We do it not in a spirit of judgment and condemnation, but in a spirit of love. We dialogue. We share. We show compassion. We help. We love. Moreover, we should do our best to proclaim that in love. We come not from a place where we are perfect, rather one where we have experienced grace and thus should extend grace as well. You have probably heard the quotation “The Church is a hospital not a museum of saints.” If the church were full of “perfect” people, no one would be there except Christ.

So in effect needs to change? I might argue is our Church. We still have the same Christ, who still offers the same love, the same grace, the same, mercy and the same forgiveness. The only necessary change is the one that we need to make in our hearts. Are we going to respond with fear or a renewed vigor for the church to stand against all sin, and to love our neighbors?

What do you think?

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

A Christian Aroma

This afternoon, I took one of those plug-in air fresheners and put it into one of the electrical sockets in the office. Even before turning it on, I could smell the aroma that was going to come from it. And when I plugged it in, it began to fill the office with whatever fragrance it is. I know however, that this fragrance, while initially strong, eventually, will taper off. It will be less powerful tomorrow and over the next few weeks, eventually needing to be replaced again. I also know that after a while the smell will not be so vibrant perhaps because my nose will become “desensitized” to it. Even when I eventually go to change it, there still will be a remnant of that fragrance.

As Christians, we at times can find ourselves in ruts, times where we may feel like we have distanced from God. And our faith, like the air freshener, begins to not “produce” as much as we once did. Perhaps we get distracted and pressured by the world. Perhaps some of us have gotten to the point that we are going through the motions. Remember what Christ had to say about this? Revelation 2:4-5 says, But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.  Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.” Well what are those works we did at first? Perhaps we have neglected the key areas of scripture and prayer which is our lifeline. If we ignore prayer and scripture, we quickly become dry. 

Some of us may say, well, I don’t know what to pray. I read a quote from John Bunyan, the author of The Pilgrims Progress who said/wrote, “When you pray, rather let your heart be without words then your words without heart.” It is ok to not know what to pray, You can sit in silence during a time of prayer, let out your heart to God. If we let our hearts out to God we know that he is listening.

What about scripture reading? Start slow, pray that God would meet you in your reading and that he would give you a thirst or a longing for the scriptures. It does not need to be a long time, but something that can be developed over time.  Perhaps use a devotional or go through a book of the Bible and read a bit a day, maybe look at some devotionals and listen to Christian pastors, I recommend Alistair Begg from Truth for Life.

I hope that these thoughts keep us on the track to continuing to be pursuing God and living as Christians and producing an “aroma” that is honoring and glorifying to the Lord. 

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Going on Vacation?

A few weeks ago, we went to Michigan to celebrate my grandfather’s 90th birthday. At the party, they had their family Bible there and inside of the Bible was a crude “bulletin” that we had made as kids for our “Cottage Church” service. Enclosed in the contents was an order of worship containing “solos” by cousins, a sermon by my grandfather and aunt, among other things. We may have not been at a “church” service that day, but we certainly took time to worship, even while we were on vacation.
Now that school has let out for the summer, vacation is a time that just about everyone anticipates. We ask our eldest son, Joshua, how many days until we are going on vacation, and he proudly gives us the correct number. It is good to be excited for vacation and a time of rest is something that God has commanded as a good thing! (If you are wondering about that, I would encourage you to look at a previous blog about the Sabbath located here.) But as vacation is on our minds, and our church attendance will certainly be experiencing the “summer numbers” trend, I thought I would take a moment exhorting all of us to not take a “vacation” from God.
For most of us, vacation is a time of refreshment and renewal. It is a time to reconnect with our spouse, to spend some time catching up with family, and a time to create memories doing various things that you might not do on a regular basis, but we may need to remember an essential part of our family, and that is God, right?
Many times we find ourselves very busy and as a result we cut out things in our daily routine and often the thing that gets “axed” is the most important part of the day, and that is time spent with God. I know that in my life there have been times where I say, “I need to get back on track with God. I need to get back to (Prayer, Scripture Reading, etc) and I will do it tomorrow...and then a few days pass, a week passes, and maybe longer.
Vacation can exacerbate a problem of “spiritual dryness” by getting us out of the routine.   But the reality is that we need to develop a thirst for it. Scripture should be something that we long for, God is what we should long for. Better than McDonald’s fries, the more of God that we get the more we should want! In a time of distress, David wrote, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So i have looked upon you in the sanctuary beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as i live; in your name I will lift up my hands.” (Psalm 63:1-4)

How then should we set up our vacation for success? Here are some suggestions that I am going to try out myself:

1. Prioritize Prayer. Perhaps the most important thing that we can do is pray. Prayer is communication with God, right? While we are catching up with our family, Talk to God! Tell him the things that are stressing you out, and upsetting you.  Charles Spurgeon once said, “A true prayer is an inventory of needs, a catalog of necessities, an exposure of secret wounds, a revelation of hidden poverty.” Use prayer ad a time to receive from God as well. Consider some time of silence.
2. Scriptural Start. For some, vacations can be less “scheduled” and more relaxed. So schedule some time scripture reading. For me, this time is best in the morning hopefully before the boys get up. Maybe you’re a night owl, make it work for you but, this will be well worth our time. Maybe something as little as 5 minutes...you can always add more time or "small" for you could be to read a small book of the Bible. Sometimes quality is more important than quantity. If you don’t want to take your Bible along....you can always download an app for your phone. I use Bible Gateway.
3. Traffic “Tune In”. Most vacations involve road trips. Take some time and turn on the Christian Radio. For those who may struggle finding a Christian radio Station, or would like a break from it perhaps you would consider an audiobook or CD series. While we certainly could choose any genre, consider a Christian book. Last year we read Not a Fan by Kyle Idelman by taking turns with the physical book. This year, for our trip, I did not procrastinate and I purchased Satisfied by Jeff Manion from Barnes and Noble online on CD. There are a lot of books available in audio form. Another great way would be to purchase it from Audible.com or download the app from your phone! (For those with kids, maybe something such as the Adventures in Odyssey series. We are trying this out for the first time this year).

What are some of your suggestions? What has worked for you? Leave a message in the comments. I would love to hear from you!

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.